20th

well today is my bhirtday xoxoxo HAPPY BHIRTDAY TO ME YEAHHHH!!
today is the day when twenty years ago my mom was delivering me to this world so THANKYOU NO ENDDD MOMMMM!!!
and ofcourse THANKYOU SO MUCHEEEE DAD for being the greatest Dad for me and showing me not all guys with penis is an asshole ;;;
my baby brother too even until now you still not say happy bhirtday to me yet but well just be happy because you have such a forgiving sister ~^^
and for my super bestfriends, the bestest friends in the whole world, the ones who never walk away from my life, and all amazing peoples around me who already being part of my life, conditionally or unconditionally one way or another, thankyou very much for all prayers and everything even the shits things but hey its life 

the last but not least, thankyou God for still gimme chance to live my life, to spend my times, to experience all the bitters and the sweets things.

and, for me, for myself, happy bhirtday! You're twenty now, an adult, not teenager anymore, and the road ahead still mystery with a lot of surprise things, so hang on and just trying so hard to be happy, because you deserve it, okay ?
being an adult isnt easy, so does being mature, don't push yourself too much, just go with the flow, you have a lot of great peoples around to help and guide you.
keep all your dreams, you never know maybe someday one of your dreams will be real, don't give low point to yourself so much and often, its unfair.
its okay to fall in love again, its okay to be loved, you need it, stop being introvert and hide in your safezone.
love yourself more, I know you can do more than this, value your life and take time to being gratefull for everything, remember you're not alone and never alone.
do what you want to do, just fuck of what other says, this is your life, your moments, yours.
make other happy is a good thing but you must make yourself happy first, just God who has right to judge you, dont be afraid to being unique and different.
dye your hair when you really sure about it, but to be honest im not really sure about that, for tattoo well..you've a long road to get permission from your parents, just...don't stop dreaming, right ?
this year, you already cried and depressed so much and almost lost it, but hey, we made it! you made it! and I proud of you, seriously, love you so much too, so..just let's spend our rest time and someday we will look back just to say "those time was hard but I made it now, Im happy and stronger, thankyou."

*

but huhu twenty...

kinda old, right ???!

the future I plan

I don't know what people around me think about me and how they're see me either. But, strangely almost all my friends always tell and guess if I will being the one who marry first, being settle down, having husband and kids and being a responsible wife with all those cooking things and another housewives tasks.

and, well, it's okay for them to think like that

but,

to be honest, me with myself always have another idea, I don't know why, but I think I will be the last person to marry, after all my bestfriend

because  I have this 'monster' thing on me, something which there on my head or even my body' soul and heart, the rebel acts, the kind of side I wish to show to everyone.

Like, after I'm graduate from my university I'll go to another country and I really hope I could to go to countryside on UK, do what I really like which is writting, and it's okay if I just being a waitress or someone who wash plates on small restaurant everyday, and it's okay if i just can earn a little amount of money as long as it could pay my rent and my meals, then on night or weekend I could sit on chair in a corner of small cafe or under the tree on public park and writting on my notes, and listen the sexy british accent, and taste the famous Yorkshire tea, and munch the delicous English' muffin. Damn, it would be a such good and simple but love to live, and worth my feels.

and, other people will react like "Gosh, you can live your life like that ?! I never imagine you will have life like this."

Not work behind the table and in a tall building with the tower of files waiting to do.
or,
Not being the first one to settle down and having family
or,
Not being mommy in young age and just focus on my kids and husband
or,
Not in a good position and good salary in international company which make me fly to one and another city or country in just one day

It will be great, yeah ?
Do what I really really really want to do.
Just fuck of what other says

But then, I will face my mom and my dad and I know it will be difficult, because...well they don't pay my education just for me being waitress in other unfamiliar country, I know it very so much and still don't know how to make it happen. But, there's a will there's a way, so I will really happy if I could do it oneday.

HOPE.