or to be exact on 24 march 2014,
I made a confession to my mom,
about everything,
the stories she didn't know,
the secrets she didn't know,
about me,
my feelings,
my tears,
my depressions,
my problems.
We talked at her room,
At first, I still managed to control my emotion and myself,
but,
after two or three sentences,
my tears began to flowing out and I lost myself control, totally.
Words and sobs and hiccups and words, in and out from my mouth,
I think that night, I look so pathetic, and I never imagine before I could cried as much as that night,
and ofcourse my mom shocked and surprised to found her daughter /me/ could be in that state.
I kept starring in to the wall, to prevent my tears,
because my mom was starting to cried when finally she knew what I've been going through.
We're apologized to each other that night,
and,
yeah, I proud with myself so much,
because I could be brave enough to finally revealed everything.
***
Four days later,
my dad went home, and I know, he already knew my state from my mom,
and I know too, he back home, despite his busy works just for me.
We talked at sofa in the family room,
and he hug me with his warmnest,
the feeling I almost forget,
he talked and apologized,
and I just nodded,
because, well,
I didn't want to cry anymore.
He hugged me so tight,
and I felt like being his little girl again /but, I know I'll always being his little girl/
he hugged me for almost 15minutes,
and I love it so much.
***
I was craving those feelings,
and trapped on my own insecurities,
'till this monster inside me controlling my life,
and make everything go to bad sides.
And now,
finally I find my braveness,
to stand and to fight,
to seek love and care I dream of.
It wasn't easy,
I'm so scared,
but I did it!
I did, and the result was good.
I want to be back,
be a girl who brave enough to has a lot of dreams again,
be a girl who has passion to run and reach it,
be a girl who will smile when she's really happy,
be a girl who stop being fake and hate herself anymore.
The path is still long ahead,
and I know,
is just small step,
but I believe this is a good start,
and wish,
it would lead me to the bright light,
to the happy ending,
to another story,
another book,
with a good content in it.
