hft.

Sometimes,
I know, I'm tipical hard person to take care of, too focused on everything but myself, too easily upset and too difficult to bring back, and well.. I hate myself for putting my friends in that position.
But, I'm just...
It's so hard for me to fit on everything, I always feel like I'm not giving my hardest enough, and then I push myself too much and then I can't stop thinking about all the stuff I did wrong, stuffs I messed up, and it just keep going and going on my head and when it's like three in the morning, I don't know how to sleep having damn insomnia for one week or more  and ofcourse it just make my body feel numbs and my mood keep going up and down without a reasons

Do I really need to being fucking emotional like this ?
Can the monster inside myself die and lemme live my life with joyful feeling and forget about all the damn insecure I have ?!