Huhu

I really want to go to Seoul, South Korea, spend holiday there at least for one week. And from last year, I already saves up money, well..I'm just college student who don't have any abilities, I don't have any works to increase my income, I just collects money from my parents gimme, monthly income which are for transport fees and foods in campus, so the leftover from it not really much..

And everytime, I look on my bank account, I will feel anxious, because the amount of money I have is still far away from the amount of money I need, and then after it, I will do everything to cut off my spend, and the worst was I ever starved myself just so I didn't need to spend money from my wallet, it drove me crazy really, and I admit it..

I kinda being obsses now with this dream, and seriously, I already tried to make it easy for myself, but once again, when I found out my saving still less from what I need, I will lost control and kinda 'punish' myself, I even made budget sheet, and lists all the incomes and outcomes, and how much the left I need to save, and everything, and yes, I need to follow from the list how-much-I-can-to-spend except for emergency thing..

Sometimes I want to stop it [the crazy part] and just enjoy my life and not having this reminder 24/7 to saves up and just go with the flow while prays and hopes something happen and someone gimme ticket to there [AMEN!] but on the other hand, I know, the good thing never come free, and to get the sweet smile I need to feel the bitter and fight hard..

But..this is feel too much. HUHU. I want to go to Seoul to be happy but why I feel so stress and depresses now...

*

04.10AM

Beautiful Simple Things I Love

Favourite songs
Long hugs

Shy smiles

Smell of rain

Starry nights

Holding hands

To be loved

Eating choccolates

The taste of mints candy

Getting lost in book

Random acts of kindness

Doing silly thing with bestfriend

Singing in bathroom

The smell of favourite parfume

Laughing truly

Sleep

Eating choccocrunch without milk

Baby's smile

Parents' proud eyes

Blue sky with white clouds

Good internet connections

Cuddling
Oreo
Choco mints ice cream' flavour
Rainbow
Quality time with family
Peace
Smell of coffe

Welcome To My Life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place,
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you?
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you're screaming?

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like (What it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

*

I know this is an old song, but good song never die right hehe

just...I could reflect and feel the lyrics well now..kinda touchy for me xoxo

7 Years of Love

Today is my 7 Years of Love with my super bestest friends in the whole universe!!!
And, this is the longest relationship I've (apart of my family) so far and I know we are still counting and will be still growing old together and trying so hard to keep this as long as we can, hope for everlasting <3

For my Dita, Galuh, and Listi,
I just want to say thankyou over and over, for everything,
for every laughs
every smiles
every tears
every happy and sad moments
every experiences
every stories
every stupid and silly things
every times which are I can't explain one by one, and seriously I know this is cheesy, but you all always be a part of my life.

We're not always in good term, our friendship not just about rainbow and cherry on top, there were rains even hard thunders along, but we passed it, and I know those experiences make us stronger, wiser, and more mature.

And as long as I will always have you all, my precious treasures, I won't give up, the three of you and my family are always my ultimate reasons to never give up. Promise.

And you all will always have my back, my time, my pray, my proud, my vote, my love and ofcourse..my room ;p
Hope I won't make you sad, unproud, and shame to have friend like me ({})

So, happy 7 years of love for us, thankyou and love you very mucheeee <3 with no end.

A LOT OF HUGS AND KISSES XOXOXOXO

Boyband[s] on my life

I don't know either but I think I've this fate-red-string with boyband, hahaha, because seriously since I'm on 2nd grade on elementary school, I already in loved with boyband and made them my lovely treasures and they were....westllife !! xoxoxo

to be honest, I'm not really remember the way I loved them back then, but I still know how much I love Brian McFadden that time, oh and I still remember, I kind of broken hearted when he's departed from westlife to be solois, HUHU!! and westlife's poster is the fisrt poster I've and pasted on my room's wall hehehe, I pasted that poster on wall in front of my bed, so when I opened my eyes in the morning, those sweet smile from five irish lads greeted me and gimme extra energy HAHAHA.

and, NO! westlife not the one and only boyband I love,

because, eleven years later, to be exact, on 2011, I kind of stumble into this dorky silly dumbie but lovely boyband called Super Junior. Yeah baby, Super Junior, Su-per-ju-ni-oeyo....

so different feels, right ? one is more like vocal group and come from europe and the other is dancing group with a looot of members and kind of more cheerfull, but well...

I'm on my dark time when I know Super Junior, and believe or not, they're like hero for me, because even it would be such an exaggeration, without them that time maybe my smile won't be back, maybe I will just keep drowned on my sea of depression. But, their songs, their dances, their cheesy quotes, their silly acts, their touching stories cheered me up perfectly. I remember that time, I just like being alone and lonely in my room and refused to face the others (except my family and my bestfriend), I just searched sad songs on youtube untill fate (which is I still dont know how) made me meet with Super Junior's old reality show video called explore human body (EHB) and for the first time I smiled and even laughed so hard that time, they turn out to be my rainbow to my hardest rain ;;;;;

And today, I still cheerish them with same feeling, Park Jung Soo, Kim Heechul, Hangeng, Kim Jong Woon, Kim Young Woon, Shin Dong Hee, Lee Sung Min, Lee Hyuk Jae (my dumbbiee), Lee Dong Hae, Choi Si Won (my dumboss), Kim Ki Bum, Kim Ryeo Wook, Cho Kyu Hyun and ofcourse Zhoumy and Henry <3 will always be my Super Men my favourite muse my first love on kpop world my shinning star my cutie ahjussis and my hero.

because even now there's a lot of new group on kpop world, I will still back on Super Junior. There's time when I stop listening their songs or searching their news but STILL when I feel down or on the edge when everything feels wrong and stuck, they're never failed to put back my smile on my lips.

not just stop on Super Junior, I love the other boyband from the other part of world these past few months, and they're One Direction..../clapping alone/

to be fair, One Direction is the first boyband with the members who have same age with me, so I kind of make them like my inspirator and motivator to live my life HAHAHA specially LIAM PAYNE hehehehe his determination, his stories, and everything make me look at him and like "okay, so he can passed all the worst thing happened on his life, and he has same age with you, and he can, so believe it you can too!!"

so, I typed the right words when I said I've fate string with boyband, right ? hehehehehe.

well, sometimes I still listening westlife's old songs and still be my favourite, and One Direction with their music and the touching lyrics are always make my insecure lessen, but Super Junior will never be replace, it kinda the sad love story ofcourse because I know 100% if they're never know me personally, but I could say they're already give me much happiness, and I won't ever give up my love for Super Junior, and I always could imagine someday, I will sit with my daughter and show her all my stuffs about Super Junior and tell her everything about them, proudly.

Happy SatNight ;;;;