Huhu

I really want to go to Seoul, South Korea, spend holiday there at least for one week. And from last year, I already saves up money, well..I'm just college student who don't have any abilities, I don't have any works to increase my income, I just collects money from my parents gimme, monthly income which are for transport fees and foods in campus, so the leftover from it not really much..

And everytime, I look on my bank account, I will feel anxious, because the amount of money I have is still far away from the amount of money I need, and then after it, I will do everything to cut off my spend, and the worst was I ever starved myself just so I didn't need to spend money from my wallet, it drove me crazy really, and I admit it..

I kinda being obsses now with this dream, and seriously, I already tried to make it easy for myself, but once again, when I found out my saving still less from what I need, I will lost control and kinda 'punish' myself, I even made budget sheet, and lists all the incomes and outcomes, and how much the left I need to save, and everything, and yes, I need to follow from the list how-much-I-can-to-spend except for emergency thing..

Sometimes I want to stop it [the crazy part] and just enjoy my life and not having this reminder 24/7 to saves up and just go with the flow while prays and hopes something happen and someone gimme ticket to there [AMEN!] but on the other hand, I know, the good thing never come free, and to get the sweet smile I need to feel the bitter and fight hard..

But..this is feel too much. HUHU. I want to go to Seoul to be happy but why I feel so stress and depresses now...

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04.10AM